idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
