R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
