fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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