It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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