i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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