You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize