She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
