Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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