When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
