dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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