With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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