That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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