this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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