I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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