dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
