If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
