You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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