The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
