Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize