I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
