im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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