Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
