how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
