I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
