tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
