Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize