thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you never un-have a 4some
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
