I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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