nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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