can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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