i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
