Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
