I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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