too bad you live with your parents still
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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