evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have feelings that need drinking.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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