can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
