i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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