It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
false alarm, still single
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