This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
