my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I look better un-naked...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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