OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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