your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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