at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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