I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
