I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There r osticjed everywhere
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
