Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
