Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize