Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
