very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We don't watch enough power rangers
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
