On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
