kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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