Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
