I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize