I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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