just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize