he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
