guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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