he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
