There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
