I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
