Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
