my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
