all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize