Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
