Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
