Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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