I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
