Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
