i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
