Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
