dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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