fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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