New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
