He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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