I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
