I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
sex in a hospital.. check
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
