it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
