Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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