so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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