fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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