I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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