Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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