I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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