the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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