He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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