I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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