Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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