just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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