just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize