I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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