so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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