just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
