Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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