he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
