It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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