Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
