I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
