remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
