my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
