i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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