this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my vag is so smooth its legendary
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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